Giving Thanks
God has been so good to me in blessing me with my family. This season is always one which is characterized by a lot of thanksgiving for me. Over the next month or so we've got a lot of birthdays in our family, so it gives me opportunity to reflect on all God's gifts to me.
Today is Caitlyn's fourth birthday. Because she and Susannah are less than a year apart I've got two four year olds for the next ten days. Just the other day the two of them informed me that this now means they are twins.
While their powers of deduction may not be as finely honed as I hope they will be some day, I'm thankful to God for these two precious gifts. They fill my life with joy, they humble me, and they make me love my God more.
Joy Invites Others In
Chasing Fish
Maybe it's just because I'm a very simple man, but I find it astounding how much there is to be learned just from watching children. Just today I overheard my four year old rejoicing with her mother that she had completed her writing assignment for her 'reading lesson.' Stacey was excited with her, but that wasn't enough. I heard the overjoyed little voice: 'Can I go show Daddy?' She received approval from her mother and came bounding up the stairs to my office.
That made me think. Why did she want to come show me? What did she stand to gain by showing me her lines of k's, f's, h's, and m's repeated over and over? She came to me because she was full of joy and wanted me share in it and to rejoice with her. There is something intuitive about joy that even a four year old understands: joy is never more wonderful than when shared. There's something overflowing about true joy that compels us to invite others to join with us in our joy.
Which again made me think. Why am I so slow to evangelize? Why does it seem so forced? Why does corporate worship sometimes seem like a chore? Biblically speaking, I think it's because I am not consistently finding my fullest joy in my God. If I was, my natural impulse would be to speak of it and to invite others to join in my joy.
Isn't this what we see in Psalm 34?
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!
Do you see it? He calls on others to join in his joy! Then he testifies to how he found his joy:
I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.
There it is! I sought the Lord, I cried to him, and he has heard me, answered me, protected me, kept me! He is good! And then again is a call to participate:
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!
And then the pattern repeats through the Psalm. What David is getting at there is the principle my four year old daughter showed me this morning. When we find true delight for our souls in something, we impulsively call on others to join in our joy.
So if I'm finding that evangelism seems a burden and worship seems a chore, perhaps I don't need to think first about technique. Perhaps my first question should be, 'Am I delighting in God? Is my joy really in him?' Then I need to read the word, preach the gospel to my own heart, remind myself of how he has heard this poor man when I have cried to him.
If I am faithful to find my joy in him, I will speak to others, because joy invites others in. And do you know what? That kind of authentic overflow might just be the most effective technique out there for stirring the hearts of others.
An Honest Look Into Our Family Devotions
An example of what our family devotions do NOT look like.
Okay, men. Let's talk family devotions. Feel guilty yet?
There are few ways to make Christian men feel guilty more easily or quickly than to talk about family devotions. We all know we should be doing it. We see the importance of being the spiritual leaders in our home. We all know that as fathers we bear the primary responsibility for bringing our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And we know that family devotions is the most practical way most of us can regularly and deliberately do this.
We know that. But most of us fail. And those of you who don't fail, just know that you're despised by the rest of us, okay?
One of the reasons why we fail, I think, is because we experience the typical male disease of thinking we have to have everything planned out and that we have to carry out all the details of our plans to perfection. I know sometimes my desire to have all my "i's" dotted and "t's" crossed has paralyzed me from taking any action -- which is pretty much the worst case scenario. What I've found over the past little while to be most helpful and most effective is this: Just do something! Profound, right? Do something and don't worry if it's not perfect.
Here's an honest look at our family devotions from tonight (and yes, this is a verbatim transcription):
Me: (Reading Proverbs 10) A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.
Susie (my 4 year old): Daddy, I know something!
Me: (Excited! She is interacting with the Word!) What is it, Sue?
Susie: Carrots are vegetables!
Me: *Audible sigh...* (Thinking: Man, you're good at this Bible teaching thing... are you a professional?)
So, as you can see, we are a wonderful example of not doing things perfectly. I don't always have anything good to say. Our kids don't always listen. Sometimes I wonder if they're even getting anything out of it.
But here's the thing. Whether or not they get anything out of that particular night, I hope that they are blessed by the cumulative effect. I hope that win, lose, or die trying, my kids will see that their parents love them enough to open up the word to them consistently, deliberately, intentionally, and lovingly. I hope that they see that because we treasure them so much we must take them to the truth we treasure most -- and we must do it consistently. I hope that as they age the composite image of their parents that they are left with is Christians who love them and who love the word of God. I hope that they see our life is found in this book, which tells us of him who is True Life.
So, men, how about some family devotions? You don't have to do them perfectly or even perfectly consistently. But are you at least doing something?
Delighting in God in People
People
Two things have helped me begin to overcome my tendency towards being an anti-social introvert. One is circumstantial, the other is scriptural.
The circumstantial factor is the wife I married. I love my wife. Dearly. With all my heart. But when it comes to relating to people, in some respects, our natural tendencies couldn't be any more different. She is energized by being with people. I am drained. She is never happier than when surrounded by people. My natural tendency is to thrive when completely alone.
When I read church history I have to fight the temptation to be jealous of the monks who've lived in complete isolation. Although I do worry about how I would eat -- I'm pretty useless when it comes to food preparation. In any case, living with Stacey has changed me. Because she loves people, I've had to become accustomed to having people around. But honestly, God has used that to overcome much of the sinful tendencies towards isolation and self-protection in my life. So I'm thankful.
But that's the circumstantial reason. The scriptural one is more important.
Back to the Beginning
The beginning is a good place to start. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but for much of my life I never considered relationships with other people in light of Gen 1-3. What a foolish mistake! Gen 1.26-27 says,
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
Too Easy to Forget
Too often I simply forget these verses. I forget that humans are created in the image of God. They reflect him. As an introvert, I like to get away from people to experience God -- but nothing could be more unhelpful. While 'the heavens declare the glory of God', people are actually stamped with his image and likeness. God doesn't say that about anything else -- not mountains or meadows, oceans or starry skies. If you want to see God, look at people.
Now obviously we know the rest of the story: humans sin and the image of God is marred. But that doesn't mean it's not there. In my neighbour who drives me bananas and in my wife whom I love dearly, God's image is there. The more we're able to see that, the more we desire to see that, the more natural it will become to love people. Inasmuch as we already love our God, we'll love people because they show us our God! The trick is getting to know people with this question in mind: 'What do I see of my God in them?'
Essentially Communal
Notice also that when God (who, as Trinity, is an essentially communal being) wants to create mankind in his image he doesn't create one person, but multiple people ('Let us ... in our image' ... 'he created them'). That's important. We cannot reflect God as he desires to be reflected if we are alone. Each of us reflects to each other and each of us receives the blessing of seeing God as we live in community as see each other. We simply cannot delight in God if we are not living communal, relational lives, full of other people.
God is in the Differences
Both of our first parents were created in the image of God. And Adam was created to be different than Eve. And just like them, every person since reflects the image of God in a unique and different way.
I never used to think about that. I used to think that it was annoying when people were different than me. But by God's grace, through this text, I've begun to see in recent years that what God was doing with Adam and Eve affects my relationships now. Just like Adam was to reflect something of God to Eve in the ways that he was different from her (and vice versa), so the people God has put in my life are different than me for a reason. They are different than me for this precise reason: God wants to show me something about himself by way of contrast.
The Greatest Commandment
Therefore, love. All the previous thoughts have helped me these past few years make more sense of Jesus's understanding of the greatest commandment. Haven't you ever wondered why, when he was asked for one greatest commandment, he gave two?
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself. (Matt 22:36-39)
Of course he gave two. Because if you love God, you'll love your neighbour. Because as you delight in God you see him everywhere -- especially in other people. And as you love other people, you see God in them. And as you see God in them, you love God more, and you love them for showing you God. The two are one. You cannot love God without loving people who are made in his image. And you cannot truly delight in people without seeing God in them.
So I Need Grace
I pray that God will give me grace to continue to see him in people -- especially in our differences -- so that I would delight in them and love them so that I might delight in him and love him. I pray for this grace in increasing measure for many years to come.
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** This is written as part of the series 30 for 30: Reflections on Life at My 30th Birthday **
The Beauty of My Wife
** This is written as part of the series 30 for 30: Reflections on Life at My 30th Birthday **
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Today I just wanted to follow up on yesterday's anniversary thoughts with a brief note on the beauty of my wife. Regardless of anyone else's evaluation of her, I know Stacey to be the most beautiful woman in the world. I know that because she lets me see her heart. I have the unique privilege, of all the men on the earth, to know my wife intimately on a personal, emotional, and spiritual level.
Here's how the appreciation of beauty is related to relationship, specifically friendship:
The world thinks we idealize our friend, and tells us that love is proverbially blind. Not so: it is only love that sees…. We only see what dull eyes never see at all. If we wonder what another man sees in his friend, it should be the wonder of humility, not the supercilious wonder of pride. He sees something which we are not permitted to witness. Beneath and amongst what looks only like worthless slag, there may glitter the pure gold of a fair character. That anybody in the world should be got to love us, and to see in us not what colder eyes see, not even what we are but what we may be, should of itself make us humble and gentle in our criticism of others’ friendships. Our friends see the best in us, and by that very fact call forth the best from us. -- Hugh Black, Friendship
If that is true in friendship, then how much more in marriage. Beneath whatever flaws anyone else might see, what I see is 'the pure gold of a fair character... the very best' in her. Love is not blind; love sees truly, more than what others are permitted to witness. As we have lived together, talked together, and seen each other in all manner of circumstances these past seven years, I consider it a privilege like no other to be granted access to my wife's heart--to see what makes her so beautiful. The more I come to know her, the more I stand back and rejoice in her beauty.
I'm sure you men who are married would say the same of your wives. To see her heart is to see something so tender, so precious, so gentle and loving and kind that it is hard to put words to it.
I think that in experiencing this, we're beginning to taste something of the heart of God. 1 Peter 3.4 says to women: 'Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.' Where once I spoke of 'inner beauty' with a vague idea of what it meant, after living with my beautiful wife these past seven years, I think my hard-heart (and hard-head!) is finally beginning to get it. And what I see is glorious. It makes me love my wife like I never thought I could. And it makes me love my God even more.
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