As I lamented yesterday, preaching through James 4.1-12 quickly made me a little sad because I wasn’t able to pursue some rabbit trails that I would’ve loved to go down. One of those was how this passage should instruct us guys in our husbandry.
In verse four, the people of God are referred to as ‘adulteresses.’ Why? Because, in the metaphor of the passage, God is the husband of his people, but their affections and longings are for other lovers. They seek their joy, their pleasures, etc., in the things that this world has to offer. They are cheating on their spouse.
How does God respond to this unfaithful, disrespectful, immoral wife? The next verse tells us: He ‘yearns jealously’ for her. He remains unchanged in his devotion to her, even though she doesn’t long for him. He loves her with a steadfast love, even when she refuses to love him and treats him in the most horrible of ways.
That ought to teach us men something about the way we should husband.
- It is Good and Right for a Husband to Long for the Affections of His Wife.
- Our Affections Must Not Be Determined by Hers.
- We Must Not Give Up.
- Take Heart, You Are In Good Company.
Too often the temptation is to slip into apathy. We love the chase while we’re dating, but once we’re married we presume that we will have her heart. The picture here is of a God who passionately longs to have all of his bride’s heart–not just a part. Christian husbands need to consistently pursue the heart of their wife.
Having a wife whose heart is not ‘wholly’ yours would be incredibly disheartening. I have seen friends and Christian brothers lamenting over the fact that their wives seem to love anything and everything else more than their husbands. That would be sad–and painful, to be sure. But the husband is to be the leader, and her lack of affections is no excuse for letting yours slide. It was while we were still sinners and had no affection for Christ (other than hatred) that he died to purchase his bride. Christian husbands need to consistently take the lead in expressing and winning loving affections.
James wrote the very first book (chronologically) in the New Testament, and yet, even by the time he wrote this letter, the church had already proven herself to be an ‘adulteress’ with desires for other lovers. Just as God did not give up on his people in the Old Testament, we learn here that Christ will not give up on his bride in the New. Christian husbands must never give up, even when their wives sin against them horribly and repeatedly; this is the gospel.
As you seek to faithfully love your wife, with a single-minded devotion to her, and as you seek to win her affections even when she is not loving you in return, you are modelling the heart of God. You are following in the footsteps of Christ who went to the greatest, most extreme length imaginable to win his bride’s heart: he died for her. When we die to ourselves and continue to risk being hurt in order to pursue and love our wives, we’re in good company: Christ is the one who made the footprints in which we walk. Christian husbands must take heart here when all other outward comforts fail–he who went before us will not abandon us as we follow him.